Can't Let You Go
by butimbroken
Summary: Buffy/Angel. Three years after running away Buffy returns. Mature. COMPLETE. AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi There. It's Me Again. I Do Not Own Buffy, Angel Or Their Characters. Still. But Hey, There's Always Next Time..**

**For The Third & Hopefully Last Time This Story's Being Re-edited.**

**If You'd Been Reading The Story, Feel Free To Skip The Next Several Chapters To Get What You Probably Already Know. :)**

**Thanks Dani & KK. As Always. **

**Past:**

Angel O'Connor moved to Sunnydale when he was nineteen to start his Freshman year at UCSunnydale.

While there, he made plenety of friends, along with some enemies. He found new hobbies, how to waste time, things to do, places to go.

He fell in love. Then he had his heart ripped out.

But, no matter what, what happened, how it ended.. he couldn't bring himself to regret it.

Angel had felt lucky back then. All the classes he had wanted he got, his room was nice and even had a pretty cool roomate, Daniel Osbourne, who everyone Oz.

The two of them got along great from the start. They learned they shared alot of the same classes along with alot of the same interests. And as time passed, they ended up sharing most of their friends as well.

Until it all went to hell anyway.. But back then..

It was one weekend when Oz had asked him to go to The Bronze with him and some of the others.

The Bronze.

Angel had yet to go to the town's famous hot spot thus far, but with all he'd learned about the place through virtually everyone else, it was almost as if he was another regular. But so far Angel had really only gone to a few of the campus parties. He'd go to one here and there but that was about it. But Oz had insitsted he come/ And Angel finally relented and agreed.

Angel did want to check the place out afterall, plus Oz's band were playing. He was pretty geared up for that. He'd only seen them play once.

Oz, Devon and the others were already into their set when the group arrived. ANgel looked around, taking the place and its people in, as the group started to disband. Some were heading out to the floor or the bar, some to the bathrooms, some to the gameroom and so forth. Angel continued to look around for a little bit more before he started making his way over to the bar area. Behind him, Angel heard Lindsay calling out a request so told him sure and continued on.

Angel got both of their drinks then headed back to the pool table Lindsay had claimed. And after that, the two of them started a few games.

OoOoO

Angel had just won some more of Lindsay's money when they heard Devon announcing that the next song would be their last of the night and that some band named Shy would be up next. Almost everyone there started making alot of noise for the boys on the stage. They were quite good afterall, though none of the members really seemed to notice. Eith that or they were just really good at being modest.

Then when they did get through the song, they started packing up and heading off the stage. The new band was into their set when Angel noticed Devon coming back out, receiving praise as he walked to the bar with an army of women and girls following him. Angel chuckled and shook his head before spotting Oz next.

Oz thanked them for coming up and asked how it was and if they were having a good time. Angel was suprised to say he really was, more than he'd been having for sure. And he was very thankful Oz had dragged him out.

The guitarist joined them for a game before Lindsay started hitting the dance floor and Oz asked Angel if he wanted to come join him at the table with some of his friends, including his girfriend Willow.

Willow, as Angel knew, had been with Oz for the past few years, since High School. He also knew that she was the reason his friend had remained in this small little nowhere town, just so he could be her.

Angel knew plenty about the girl, he heard stories and jokes, seen pictures and even spoken with her on the phone a few times, but had yet to meet her. He couldn't wait. So, he happily agreed and let Oz lead him through the crowd.

OoOoO

**Present:**

Angel finished off his drink. He'd lost count so time ago, but he didn't care. He just grabbed for the next and downed it.

Angel O'Connor was now twenty four years old. He was living in Los Angeles these days, working as a PI.

He was also a depressed, drunk and lonely man these days.

And it never seemed to get better.

Angel noticed Lorne doing a meet and greet with the club and did his best to shrink down, not wanting to be noticed. Especially not be him right now.

He just wanted to instead drink his misery away and wallow. He didn't want to think about it or deal with his broke feelings. And he sure didn't want to talk about it with Lorne.

Talking never brought Buffy back.

She was gone, coming up on three years now, but yet she was still his everything.

Angel knew she would be twenty one now and knew she'd somehow be even more beautiful and sweet in time, since the last he'd seen her. Would ever see her.

OoOoO

**Past:**

"Hey, Oz man, great show! I liked the new song alot, what's it called?"

"Thanks Xan. The title is 'Monkey Pants,'" he laughed. "We're still working on it."

Oz wrapped his arms around the redhead, Angel knew she had to be Willow, then Oz looked at him and smiled.

"Angel, this is Willow. Willow, Angel," Willow smiled brightly at him, "And those two there," he said pointing at the other two sitting at the table, "are Xander Harris and Amy Madison."

Hello's were said and small talk exchanged. Willow seemed very happy to finally meet him and he thought about how right Oz was in her description. He could also see how much in love the two were, and how easy it would be to fall for the quirky girl's charm.

"It's too bad Buffy's not here."

"I know. She said she might not be able to make it.. or might ust be late. Her dad needed help with something so.."

"Well, maybe she'll show up later."

OoOoO

Angel hung out with the group, danced with his friend Laura a time or two and overall it was a pretty nice night.

Then she showed up.

"Hey guys!"

"Buffy!" Willow and Xander said excited. "You made it!"

"Yep. Sorry that I missed you guys Oz."

"It's cool. Next time."

And they continued talking for the next few minutes, having not introduced him or noticed him. Finally though Oz saw him watching her and smiled.

"Hey Buff, meet Angel, my roomate at school. Angel, this is Buffy."

And no one missed the sparks flying off each other as they looked into one another's eyes.

"Hi," she said, "it's.. nice to meet you."

"You too."

And he then asked Laura to get up and go get him a drink and sat Buffy down in her place. Right next to him. And they talked. And talked. And laughed. Even dancing a few times.

Every second he fell more for her and then when the night came to its close he almost felt sick.

OoOoO

Angel waited for Oz to get back from driving Buffy and co home and about jumped when the door finally opened and the shorter man enter. One huge smile on his face too.

"Well, I must say, you looked pretty taken with our Buffy tonight my friend."

"Yeah," he breathed, thinking back to the beautiful green eyed girl he just met and Oz laughed at him.

"Been there, so, anything you wanna know?"

"Everything! Anything!"

Oz laughed harder.

OoOoO

That night Angel found out that her name was Buffy Anne Summers and she was sixteen, a sophmore at Sunnydale's High School. She'd moved to town a few years ago after her folks had split up and lived with her father, Hank, who was a doctor at Sunnydale's general hosptal. Her mother and younger sister lived in Florida now where Joyce ran a gallery. She sometimes visited there in the summer. And right away, Buffy and Willow had hit it off, despite their many differences.

Angel found out that she was single, that the Xander kid he'd met had a crush on her from the moment they met but it never panned out, and that the only real boyfriend she'd had since moving was a Scott Hope, but it didn't last long. And that was about it.

He was told she was a great writer, but didn't look at herself as one, but that all of her friends and her father hoped she'd choose that for her life career and go to school for her and get famous for her massive talent.

And he learned little bits and pieces. Her favorite band, food, place to go, color.. and so forth.

OoOoO

"You think she'd go out with me?"

"No question, the way you two were tonight..."

Angel smiled and hoped his friend was right.

OoOoO

**Present:**

"Angelcakes," Lorne said sitting down across from the drunk broody man, "What are you doing in here. Again. Tonight?"

"Drowning in misery," he said, just a bit slurred, polishing off another drink, shaking his head and sticking his tongue out a bit in disgust at the taste.

'Wwhatever that was.. I don't want another.. ugh!'

"You got to get over it, Pumpkin."

Angel snickered then grabbed another drink. He downed it then started feeling sick. Then grabbed for another.

"Whoa there, I am cutting you off," he said, grabbing the glass from him. "You need to get home. I'll get you a cab," and Lorne started walking away.

When he picked up the phone behind the bar, Angel stood up and stumbled his way over.

There was a calendar above Lorne's head and Angel reached over and grabbed it, pulling it down to him. He already knew but it didn't stop the stabbing in his heart looking at this now. Or the tears forming, but not yet falling.

"What the Hell happened?" he muttered to himself, emotion full in his voice.

Lorne said something on the phone but gave Angel a small pat and sympathetic eyes.

When he was off he grabbed the calendar back and looked at it he thought, 'I should have known. That's why he's been in here again more than usual..'

Lorne had known Angel from when he was still in college, he wasn't that much younger than him. He came into the bar with some friends one night and felt bad for the kid. His heartbreak was one of the biggest he had ever known of and the more time went on, the more he realized there was no cure for the boy.

Every year around this time it was the worse. And worse every year.

If anyone was going to be killed by a broken heart, it was Angel O'Connor.

Lorne helped Angel out to the cab and paid for his ride and gave the driver directions then he bid Angel a goodnight. And he silently pleaded for some kind of miracle to happen.

OoOoO

The ride didn't take too long, not that Angel would have cared on way or another. He just stared up at the celing of the cab as it drove, him laying in the back trying not to get sick.

When it stopped, he slowly got up then stumbled out of the car and to his door.

When he finally managed to get it open, he came in, closed it again behind him then went to his room. Not bothering with any lights, or undressing, not even his jacket, shoes or anything, Angel just climbed on the bed and let sleep over take him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Past:**

Oz gave Angel Buffy's phone number and after a few days, he finallu got the nerve to finally use it. She'd answered and sounded suprised and happy to hear from him, giving him relief.

They talked for hours upon hours. Oz had walked in a number of times and chuckled and rolled his eyes.

Angel loved the sound of her voice, the way you could tell her emotions through it, how he always knew when she was smiling. He found it easy to talk to her, but he enjoyed listening alot more.

When they were getting ready to finally hang up and call it a night Angel wanted to ask her out but didn't. He choked, so instead he only gave a goodnight. Which this seemed to be the constant story over the next few weeks.

They did see each other though, at The Bronze or just around town.

One night he was walking her home from one of the group get togethers, he finally just blurted it out and became worried once the words were out. But then she looked at him, a smile brightly shining, her eyes twinkling.

"I would love to," she replied and he was ready to die happily right then and there.

The date was set over the phone the following day for a week later giving them both plenty of time to fret over every little thing.

It was simple, a dinner and a movie, yet it had to be perfect.

When he came to pick her up, he briefly got to meet Hank, who he actually enjoyed. He was pretty funny. Not scaring him away either. He liked that part alot. And soon Buffy came decending down the stairs, stopping his ability to breathe.

She hadd gotten her hair cut since he had seen her and was now around her shoulders. And she had bangs. It was curled and twisted up. She was wearing very light makeup on, not that she ever needed any at all. She had on a red dress, showing off her every curve. Thin straps holding it up and it was a few inches above her knee. She also had on a pair of black strappy heels, open toed, showing off her matching polish. And she had two earrings in each ear, a cross necklace in silver, and a silver and red bracelet.

And she looked amazing.

OoOoO

The date had ended up perfect.

She was perfect. Everything she did or said and anything.. it was perfect.

And he did his best to act like the perfect gentleman. He opened doors for her, he pushed her chair out for her, he ordered and got her everything she wanted.

The dinner was great, the food tasted amazing and the service was better than he expected.

The movie was also good, at least the parts he actually saw, but most of his focus had remained on her, snuggling up against him in the seats during it.

And then when it was over, he suprised her, driving almost out of town, over to a small clearing hidden in woods, a small creek running through it. It was a tad cold so he lent her his jacket and she snuggled up in it before they both laid on top of the hood of his car, snuggling close once again, talking some, but mostly just enjoying their time and staring at the stars.

When they left and got back to her house finally, he ran to get the door for her then he led her up to the house. He felt nervous and didn't get it.

He had dated plently. Hell, at his old High School he was known for being quite the player, but not anymore, not since her. Everything he was went right out the window from the moment he saw her.

Now here he was, acting and feeling as though this was his first time out with a girl, but he kind of liked the feeling.

They reached the door, both commenting how they had a nice time and would like to do it again. And he almost chickened out but at the last second he bent down and gently kissed her. But then.. after she got over the shock of their contact.. wrapped her arms around his shoulders pulled him closer and she even stood higher on her tip toes to get closer herself. It became heated in only a matter of seconds and seemed to go on and on and on, then the porch light flickered on, startling them both. He blushed then kissed her lightly once more as they bid each other goodnight again. He watched her dissapear into the house and almost danced his way back to the car.

OoOoO

**Present:**

Angel's alarm clock was going off like nobody's business. He groaned then flung it across the room then he pulled the covers up over his head, closed his eyes and willed for sleep to come. Anything to get rid of his pounding headache. But this didn't last long, his two other alarm's came blasting on, making him groaned again. And louder. Angel flung the covers off, willed his head to stop pounding and reached to turn the two others off.

He sighed and stood up then stumbled his way to find his bathroom.

His refelction was haunting, he couldn't even stand it. He was just a shell, if he was even that anymore.

He finally got out of his clothes then stepped into the hot shower. He stood under the heat for what seemed like an eternity, but it felt so good. He just closed his eyes and let it fall down over him.

For the moment, his head was clear, but as he continued to stand there the water turned cold. And then, out of nowhere, memories came flooding. He opened his eyes and with one shaky hand he reached to turn the water off.

'I can't keep going on like this,' he thought scared, hurt, lost, lonely and everything else under the sun.

OoOoO

**Past:**

They were together now for one month and for their celebration he took her to the beach.

Never before had he cared about these type of things, not that he'd ever had many lasting relationships before, but as with everything else involving Buffy.. it was different now. He wanted this to be special, Hell, he wanted every day to be. Just for her.

They had a picnic, in which he gave her a small necklace and matching earrings as a gift, which she gushed over for the next few hours. They walked around the beach holding hands, they took some pictures, swam, played volleyball with a few younger kids, collected shells.. all the normal beach things to do.

OoOoO

Buffy's bandana had flew out of her hands as she was trying to fix it, a gust of wind had blown it away from her. She huffed then turned to go fetch it then suddenly she was being picked up by some large arms who then threw her into the water before jumping in himself.

"Angel!" she shrieked making him laugh then she playfully hit him. "That was so mean!"

"Wasn't it?" he asked pulling her to him. And under the water their bodies pressed into one another. She wrapped her legs around his waist then kissed him.

When they broke apart she smiled and all the love she had for him shown through her eyes at that moment.

He reached up his hand and gently started running his finger down her cheek.

It was such a small moment but that's when he knew he loved her. He thought he had always know it, but this comfirmed it. He knew then they were meant to be, that she was his soul mate, she was his other half.

Buffy Summers was the best thing to have ever happened to him and he knew it.

She made him happy, whole. She made him feel alive.

He knew he had to have her, to keep her with him, to make her smile, laugh, make her happy. He knew he would do anything for her. He would do anything to keep her with him.

And in that small moment he knew he belonged with her, he belonged to her, and no one else would ever matter to him.

He wanted no one else, only her. He wanted her to be his bride, the mother of his children, the girl he woke up to every morning, who he went to sleep with every night. He wanted to die by her side.

He wanted it all.

But he was snapped out of all of those thoughts suddenly by heavy rainfall which came out of nowhere. It made Buffy squeak then run out of the water, running for shelter from the cold storm.

OoOoO

**Present:**

It took Angel a few minutes to collect himself.

He was still there in the shower, one hand still on the shower knob and the other on the wall that held him, bracing himself. He took a deep breath, shook his head then let go. He pulled the shower curtain back and stepped out, wrapping a large towel around his waist.

Angel dried off, brushed his teeth, shaved, fixed his hair, got dressed, and so on.

He finally left the room and headed to the kitchen where he made himself something small to eat, a pot of coffee, and some nasty home remedy for the hangover. After he was done, he walked out the door, grabbing the paper at the step then got in his car and drove to work.

After he had graduated, he moved here. He was talked into it, not that he minded though. He didn't have any other plans anymore.

She'd been gone for years and wasn't coming back.

He didn't continue his schooling like he'd wanted or planned on. He didn't really put the school he had to use.

He worked a few jobs at first, doing this and that then he ended up meeting Doyle. He was offered a job and he took it. This time it stuck. For this long anyhow.

They weren't the best PI's in the world or the most in demand but it was a job and they did okay.

He'd tried at first using it for his benefit, trying to find Buffy but like always, it never worked. It was as if she dissapeared off the face of the earth.

Buffy was just gone.

Just like that.

Gone.

Angel started the car, cursed the song then drove.

OoOoO

"My God, Angel! You look like death!" Cordelia said as he walked in the door.

"Thanks," he muttered, going to get himself more coffee and ignoring whatever the Hell she was still saying. He looked around for Doyle, catching him just as he was getting ready to leave. He explained the case quickly then told him to come on.

It was a young actress, one starting to get pretty famous and she was being stalked. Her manager had set up the meeting the the business and had been there giving most of the details.

They ended up taking the case. Angel thought Doyle had a crush on the girl, plus Cordelia would have a fit once she found out if they didn't. Besides, they weren't exactly swamped with cases at the moment either.

"She's a hottie huh?" Doyle asked, grinning as they left.

Angel just made a face at him. He didn't know, didn't care.

She wasn't Buffy.

"You hungry?"

"Sure."

And soon they were at a small Mexican place the two often went to.

They ordered and waited for their meal. Doyle was talking about something or other but Angel wasn't hearing a word.

OoOoO

Neither Doyle nor Angel noticed the young girl staring at them, her eyes wide and her heart beating frantically.

'That's him! That has to be him!' Dawn was thinking as she watched the two of them.

She had never met Angel but she knew that was him. Pictures and descriptions went a long way. Her gut screaming at her even more so.

Connor came back from the bathroom and sat down, looking at his girlfriend curiously.

"That's him!" she hissed.

"Who's who?"

"Angel!" she pointed carefully. "Him!"

Connor made a face and a disgusted-like noise. "So?"

"What do you mean 'so?' We have to go talk to him!"

"What? Are you out of your damn mind? We are not talking to him!"

"Wha.."

"Let's just pay and go before he sees and realizes who the Hell you are."

"Connor!"

"Let's go!" he said a bit more forceful.

Dawn didn't understand what his problem was but she followed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Past:**

Angel banged on the door long after Hank had slammed it in his face. His hand hurt and it was bleeding but he didn't stop, nor did it compare to the pain in his heart at that moment. So.. he just kept pounding.

That was until one of their neighbor's called the cops, who hauled him in.

He even put himself deeper in the whole, resisting arrest. But he didn't have time for all of this nonsense. He had to get them to realize he needed to find Buffy, he needed to talk to her. Now.

But that didn't happen.

Oz was who came and bailed him out but he wouldn't give him any information. Angel cursed and shook violently and did all he could not to cry as he desperatly explained what had happened.

Oz listened and was the only one thus far to believe him. He was one of the few who'd even heard his side, the actual side, the truth. Not that he'd exactly had much time to tell anyone yet.

Sympathy shown through the musician's eyes as he listened, nodding his understanding, but he didn't really have too much information about what was going on or where Buffy was. Willow wouldn't tell him.

Angel wasn't sure if that meant that even Willow didn't know, or that she did know, but thought Angel would get to Oz and he would spill. Or if it was just because the two of them had ended their own relationship and it hadn't ended pretty.

He didn't ask.

But this was the most he had gotten, so was thankful for the little it was.

OoOoO

He was so broken when he saw her run out, tears and hurt and anger written all over her face.

He knew what she had to be thinking but everything was so wrong and he knew he had to find her. He had to explain. He had to make it right. But he couldn't find her anywhere. She'd just ran. He looked frantically around everwhere, but couldn't find her.

There were no lights on at her house when he drove by, word spread and none of her friends were helpful to him, either they knew and showed their hurt, their anger, their dissappointment, or they were just clueless. He tried explaining a few times but it was useless. And time consuming. So he just contiued.

He went to all of her favorite places but he hadn't found her at any. He went over everywhere time and time again.

He called her house and her cell phone but neither were answered. Her cell phone was off and he filled her voicemail and machine both up.

His heart was breaking, tears were slowly pouring out and his hands were gripped on the wheel so tight. He knew he was losing her and he knew he couldn't let it happen.

He knew that he couldn't survive without her.

The third time he drove by her house the lights were on and his heart skipped a beat. Angel flew out of his car and up to the door. He pounded on it hard getting a greeting by Hank looking like he was ready to kill him.

You could see the fight going on inside of him, telling him not to do anything, but how badly he wanted.

Angel understood but he also didn't have time for it.

He did his best to explain what did happen and how he needed to find her. Hank wasn't listening though.

"Go home boy," he said then slammed the door.

OoOoO

Oz drove him back to the campus.

He was so lost, so defeated. When they got to the room he just sat on the side of the bed. He was cold and wet. Hurt and broken in pieces. He started to pull off the jacket he'd thrown on in the seconds before he jumped out of the car and ran to Buffy's door but he was stopped.

The small black velvet box went flying out of it, landing on the floor with a tiny thud. He could only stare at it.

Oz had both seen and heard it. All he could do is stare at it too.

His sympathy for his friend growing wildly. He couldn't believe all of this had just happened. First him and Willow, now them. It was like fate hated them all.

"You were going to.."

"Yeah. Tonight," Angel finished not wanting to hear the words. He reached down and picked the box up then slowly opened it. The engagment ring shining back at him, almost seeming to mock him at the moment.

'Why.. how did this happen?' he thought with tears threatening to come.

He knew he had lost her.

Their two year anniversary. And he'd wanted to ask her to be his forever. Instead.. this happened.

OoOoO

He tried everyday to find her, but she was gone. Just gone.

He didn't know where she went and no one was looking to tell him.

He tried everyone he knew. He hired people. He went to her long lost relatives but no one was any help.

She just packed and was gone.

Out of his life.

Just like that.

He lost all meaning. He just went through his days no longer caring and pretty much giving up on ever finding her.

Doyle was his last try but even that just panned into nothing.

Just like everything else.


	4. Chapter 4

**Present:**

Charles Gunn knew who the pretty blonde before him was long before she opened her mouth to tell him.

Buffy Summers.

Angel's long lost love.

It had to be her, though he couldn't believe it.

OoOoO

Gunn had known Angel for awhile now. They met through him working for Doyle and had even gotten him on the team after awhile though he'd been helping out before then here and there if need be.

He also knew the story. And he noticed the man had been getting pretty damn testy lately, which someone finally explained to him why, and then he decided it might be in his and his girfriend Fred's best interest to use up some vaction time until it hopefully passed.

That man was a walking black heart.

Gunn had tried to help with the hunt, though he was unsure about alot, like what would happen if they did find her 'cause apparently.. this girl really didn't seem to want that, but he really doubted Angel cared about that part. He just wanted the girl found, maybe after that he had some sort of plan, but Gunn didn't know what it was.

He was trying to enjoy his time left that he had off from work and was finishing a small snack off while Fred was asleep. He started cleaning up then was heading back to bed himself for a nap along with her when he saw the moving vans and cars pull up.

He heard not a day or so ago that someone was going to be moving in.

Being nosey, he went over and peeked out the window and watched for a few moments. Then he headed to get dressed and get some shoes on and went to go offer some assistance.

OoOoO

Gunn pretty much stopped dead in his tracks the moment he saw her.

'That can't be her,' he had thought disbeliving. 'No way! It would never be that damn easy all of a sudden..'

She did look a bit differently, as expected, but he knew it had to be her.

He had seen pictures of her. Plenty of them. Angel had a whole collection of them around. He kept them around everywhere. His place had a bunch, his work space, and even random places around the office he'd put them around or just other reminders of her. Sometimes you'd stumble on one in a book or drawer or wherever.

And now here she was. Live and in the flesh.

And moving into his apartment building.

'Angel is going to lose his damn mind,' he thought as he finally started walking again up to her.

OoOoO

**Past:**

"So why come all the way to Sunnydale?"

"Got accepted."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "You got accepted to plenty of places."

"True."

"Okay," she sighed, "so why Sunnydale?"

"I don't know," he shrugged. "It seemed right. I wanted to come out to the coast."

"Yeah but there's other towns. Better towns with better schools."

"I don't know. They wouldn't have you."

She kissed him. "And well, we couldn't have that."

OoOoO

**Present:**

Dawn was pointing to where Gunn should sit another one of Buffy's boxes down, not really caring where he put it. Then Connor came in with another one and saying something. She scowled at him.

'Who does he think he is? Sure, Angel hurt Buffy. We all know that, it's a duh, but I know she still loves him. And I know he has to do with why the Hell she just came back home.. even if she won't admit it.'

But he was so mad at her, refusing to let her tell Buffy that she had in fact seen Angel earlier. Angel, who she thought didn't look that much better his own self. Kinda like she was, like part of them were missing.

She didn't know if it was in fact because of Buffy, or someone else. Or if he was just having a bad day or what. But she didn't care either.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Gunn asked.

OoOoO

Gunn continued to help bring in her things and set some of them up, all while still trying to deal with the whole situation. A very confusing, complicated unbelievable situation.

Buffy, for crying out loud.

He did his best with small talk, tried to keep from staring, and trying to figure out a plan.

Finally he talked her into coming over the following evening so they could meet Fred.. and the rest of his evil plan fell in there.

At first she had declined, saying how he'd already done so much and everything, but he refused to take no for an answer, so she relented.

And then soon he was back in his own room, waking Fred up anxiously to fill her in and help with his master plan.

OoOoO

**Past:**

Angel had know he was going to ask Buffy to marry him. He'd known for a long time, just he hadn't figured out when.

The last summer the two of them were together he found out.

Before school started back up, they had taken a two week vaction together. They stayed at a beach house all by themseleves.

They basically were playing house in a way. They cooked and cleaned, enjoyed their time together. He went to bed with her wrapped in his arms and woke the same way and it wasn't hard to figure out how bad he wanted to do just that for the rest of his existance.

When they had returned home is when he started saving to buy her the ring.

Then he'd wait for the perfect opportunity.

OoOoO

**Present:**

With a huge smile on his face, one on Fred's too, who like him still couldn't believe it, he called up Angel.

Gunn almost had to tie her down too to keep her from running over there, knowing that his girl was see through and couldn't hide anything from anyone.

"Yo big man," he said once Angel answered.

"What?"

"You got any plans for tomorrow night?" Gunn didn't wait for an answer. "No, you don't. Of course you don't. You're coming over to my place.. say around seven alright?" And again he didn't wait for an answer.


	5. Chapter 5

**Present:**

It was the following morning and the plan would hopefully be up and working later in the evening.

Fred could barely contain herself.

'Buffy? The Buffy!? Oh, boy!'

She knew it took all of Gunn to keep her there after he told her the news.. but he was asleep now.

Fred got up and got dressed then calmed her nerves and walked out the door, heading for Buffy's new one.

She tried a million things to keep everything from being written all over her face or to stop herself from blurting out everything she knew.

'Angel would so kill me,' she thought, and the image of the man she knew came to mind.. which helped a lot.

Fred took a deep breath then knocked on the door, wanting to introduce herself to the mysterious blonde.

OoOoO

**Past:**

Whenever Oz had broken up with Willow, Buffy couldn't believe how much hurt and pain came to her best friend. How much suffering Willow was having to go through.

Oz was her friend, her lover, her everything. Then.. boom.

Buffy laid in Angel's arms silently thinking, clinging more to him. She couldn't imagine life without him nor did she want to.

She rubbed a hand in circles on his chest then looked up, seeing his eyes meeting hers, a knowing look in them.

She never had to explain what she was thinking or feeling. He knew. And he reassured her of the love he had, the furture they would have.

And she'd believed him.

OoOoO

**Present:**

Fred knew this was a bad idea, she knew it all along, but when the door started to open, she really knew it was a bad idea.

It was Dawn who answered and let her in, but that didn't calm the emotions taking over her small body.

She stood in the living room, making small talk with a boy named Connor while Dawn went to go get Buffy.

When she came out from one of the rooms in the hallway, Fred almost fainted.

'It really is her!' she thought with her mind racing and a knowing smile wanting to break completly over her face.

She got closer and they exchanged hello's and then Buffy showed her around the place some and started with the small talk.

Fred, being no good at this part. She said as little as she could, commented on something completley different and hoped no one noticed.

She knew right away she had to get out of there. And soon. But when Buffy ofered her breakfast her stomach wouldn't let her refuse. That and her curiousity about the girl she knew so much about through her broken hearted ex boyfriend.

OoOoO

Fred found that she really liked Buffy. She could see her with Angel too. Little small things she did or said made it obvious they must have been prrfect for one another.

"So um Buffy? What brings you to Los Angeles?" Fred asked a bit wearily.

"Um, I'm not sure of the answer to that really," Buffy answered her truthfully. "I lived here when I was younger, then I moved to Sunnydale, but haven't been back there in years. I left California a long time ago.. and never came back.." she sighed. "I don't know what I'm doing here now though."

"Why'd you leave?" she asked, though knew.

"Bad memories."

OoOoO

**Past:**

Buffy ran and ran. Her legs were hurting and she was breathing hard, tears were falling like raindrops. Her heart felt like it was shattering. She was shaking so badly and wasn't sure which problem she had going on causing it.

It didn't matter though.

Her whole life just came crashing apart.

Eventually she'd collapsed in the park, not able to move anymore. She fell and laid there crying in the grass.

It started sprinkling not too long after, which only helped to remind her of the events that had taken place.

She pounded on the ground feeling hurt, frustrated and angry. And she cried harder.

Buffy cried and cried and cried. She was cold and shaking too hard and knew she had to keep moving. So she finally willed up the strength to get up and then run some more.

She had to get away, as far away as she could, and never look back.

OoOoO

**Present:**

Fred somehow made it through without spilling, although there were many almost slips, but that only made her fifty times happier to be out and back on her way to her own apartment feeling more excited about tonight then before.

OoOoO

Buffy started cleaning up then went to take a shower.

When she was done, she gathered the troops and they started working on getting the rest of her things put up.

She kept wondering what in the world she thought she was doing here. None of it made any sense,

OoOoO

**Past:**

It took Buffy a long time to think straight again, to not think of him every passing second, to not feel her heart skip a beat everytime she was a tall man with spiked brown hair, to hear the word 'angel' being said and feel her heart cry out, to smell leather and think of him.. among many other reminding things of the love she left behind.

But it happened.

It hurt, but it happened.

She didn't remember when or where, but things got better. Better as they could anyhow.

Getting back into the dating scene had been the worst of it all.

She had no interest in any of that, not anymore, no matter how many times Giles or any of her new friends tried getting her back on the horse.

It just wasn't worth it.

She humored them a time or two though with a date here and there, but nothing ever got very serious.

It couldn't.

OoOoO

**Present:**

Angel grumbled as the time got closer, he didn't know why he agreed to this, Hell he didn't remember even actually having agreed, or why everyone seemed so damn insistant on it.

They were all pissing him off.

He, Doyle and Cordy stood in front of Gunn and Fred's apartment door.

He knocked, still not wanting to be there, not that he really wanted to be anywhere, but drowning his misery at Caritas seemed like the better option.

Gunn answered with a goofy ass smile on his face and let them in.

"What are we doing here Gunn?"

"You'll see. I stumbled upon some.. information, if you will.. and I seriously think you should know about it."

Angel sighed. "Fine. What is it?"

"Patience, my friend. Now, everyone please sit. Like I said earlier, I also have a new neighbor of mine coming over and will be joining us shortly," Gunn smiled.

OoOoO

**Past:**

The night before their everything went to Hell.. it was perfect.

It was just another simple day with a simple moment, but it had meant so much.

They were laying together in her bed, her back to his stomach and his arm draped over her. He was propped up on his other elbow looking down at her.

She was half asleep, half keeping up with his converstation as she laid in his arms. She gave a sleepy smile and told him how much she loved him.

He knew was going to spend the rest of his life with her, knowing he was going to ask about this time tomorrow. And it never seemed more perfect.

He knew he needed this girl more than he needed air.

His life depended on her in his arms.

Forever.

OoOoO

**Present:**

Both Gunn, and more so Fred, were acting rather strange. Doyle, Angel noticed was too. But Angel decided not to comment on it or question it, deciding it was problebly nothing. Especially nothing he was actually going to care about.

Then there was a knock on the door.

Angel was sure the noise Fred had made would be classified as a rare ungodly squeel right before she raced to the door. Angel shook his head and ran a hand over his face while she opened it, letting the voices of people in. He didn't turn around until he heard Cordy though.

"Oh my God!"

And at first, Angel looked at her, seeing a mixture of looks on her face, then he followed her line of sight. He locked eyes with what she had seen.

Buffy.


	6. Chapter 6

**Present:**

'Buffy.'

Time seemed too slow and speed up all at the same time. His heart seemed to somehow stop yet pump faster.

He was shocked. Very confused. Happy and sad. Everything!

The world began to spin and everything grew dark. All he could see was her.

'Her. Buffy. Here. Right there. Now. Why? How?'

Angel had paled and felt he might throw up or pass out. Or something. He was thankful to be sitting, other wise he was sure he'd fallen down by now. He felt as though he couldn't breathe. He was lightly starting to sweat, his body just slightly shaking.

He couldn't move, couldn't think.

"Buffy.." he whispered out harshly.

OoOoO

**Past:**

Darla Simpkins, one of Angel's exes, knocked on his door.

She waited, not getting an answer, then she knocked again. Still no answer.

Darla huffed and look around, then she knocked again.

She had come all this way and tracked the poor boy down.

She felt sorry for him, all this way from home, all this way from her, but she was gonna make it all better.

They'd had a bit of a messy breakup before he left, one of the main reasons she knew he'd came all the way out here was because of it.

He still didn't answer the door, making her huff about it again. Then she reached down and tried at the door, finding it unlocked.

Unaware, Angel had left it that way since Xander was supposed to be bringing over some supplies for later. He'd still needed to take a shower and get ready, so he hurried to go do that, but had missed Xander's phone call saying he'd be a bit later than he thought, missed it only by five or six minutes even.

Darla pushed the door open and looked around not seeing anyone.

But she did hear the shower running.

OoOoO

**Present:**

She was much more beautiful now, more than he remembered, more than he could have ever imagined her to be now. She was older too of course, but that only added to it.

Her hair was a tiny bit shorter, more straight, and lighter. Her skin though was a tad darker. And she wore less makeup now.

She was thinner.

Her clothing style seemed to have changed some, but nothing too drastic.

She was just Buffy.

OoOoO

**Past:**

Darla slinked around to find her way to the bathroom door. It was cracked, just the slightest amount. And she knew he had to be in there.

'Him and that stupid habbit,' she thought smiling.

Darla quietly pushed the bathroom door open and she stepped inside the foggy room. She smiled again and started undressing. Once she was done with that, she slipped into the shower stall behind him.

OoOoO

**Present:**

Angel continued to stare.

Gunn watched with pure amusement on his face.

Fred's eyes danced from one of them to the other.

Dawn's eyes grew five times bigger and a smile started to spread on her face.

Connor sneered and got ready for hell to break loose.

Doyle smiled, having not believed it until he saw with his own two eyes.

'Yeah, that would be her,' he thought then said, "Well now, looky here Angel."

Cordy stared along with everyone else, her mouth remaining open, her eyes wide. "I.. cannot.. believe this!"

Faith, one of Buffy's friends who'd came along for the ride, didn't have a clue as to what was going down.

"B? Um, what's up?" and her eyes were filled with concern and confusement as she looked around the room at all of this people, finally landing on the ghost white blonde.

Buffy felt her heart drop, hurt crushing into her, panic slowly moving her paralizing fear to the side. Tears were starting to form.

OoOoO

**Past:**

Buffy knew that Angel was doing something special tonight. After all, it was a pretty big deal, for both of them. But that wasn't why she there at the time.

No, she'd won some stupid little contest on the radio and had been excited enough to come running over to tell him all about it, like she did from time to time.

She smiled and couldn't wait to tell him, just to share a stupid silly moment and story with him.

OoOoO

Darla hadn't closed the door completly when she'd came in, which worried Buffy as she noticed then reached down for it.

She knocked but heard nothing so pushed it open.

At first she stuck her head in, looked around, then her body followed in. She still didn't see anyone.

At first.

The second time she looked around, she started to hear voices. A man.. Angel.. and some strange woman.

Buffy looked towards the bathroom door.. finding them. Wet, in towels and coming from inside.

The strange blonde was all over her Angel. Her Angel. And tears started clouding her eyes as she watched.

"Look Darla, you have to get out of here. My girlfriend will be here soon.."

"Oh come on, Baby," she purred and wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing him in closer.

That was all Buffy needed to hear or see so she started towards the door. And she must have made some noise loud enough since for a second he locked eyes with her. he shouted something she couldn't hear because her mind was so muddled. And she ran, ignoring him and his continued calls behind her.

OoOoO

Angel knew what the scene must have looked like to her and that ate him up inside, but he also knew nothing happened. Nor would have happened. Not between him and Darla. Not between him and anyone.

Only her.

Angel didn't know why Darla was there, he had a clue, but didn't ask. He didn't care.

As soon as she touched his shoulder in the shower, making him jump, he started to fume at her, telling her to get out. He turned off the shower and got out, ignoring all she said and attempted to do. He wrapped a towel around her and started pushing her out.

The last thing he wanted was her. He had Buffy, so why would he? And he no longer knew why he'd ever wanted her in the first place.

And Angel really didn't want Xander, Oz or especially Buffy getting the wrong idea from the image being played out.

But it was all too late.

OoOoO

**Present:**

For the second time in his life, not including his daily reminders. All of the thoughts, daydreams, memories, and nightmares. Angel saw all the hurt in the world on the woman he loves face as she turned away from him.

And she went running away.

OoOoO

**Past:**

Darla had slowed him down some in his quest to get dressed.

To this day he still didn't know how he didn't kill her.

He did threaten her. And she knew full well how much he meant it.

He never saw her again.

Those things kept happening to him.

OoOoO

**Present:**

Angel had been the farthest away from the door, away from her, but he was the first person to catch up with her.

Almost.

He was one second too late as her new apartment door slammed and he could hear her crying on the other side.

The others all started to make their way over too.

Just as he started pounding on the door.

There was a male voice he could hear inside, one asking her if she was okay, trying to comfort her.

Angel started to pound harder.


	7. Chapter 7

This was the very last thing that Buffy had been expecting. And she still couldn't process the whole thing.

'Gunn.. Fred.. did they know? Was it some sort of set up? wha..' she burst into more tears.

And they fell harder as she heard Angel as he started to shout through the door to please open the door and talk to him.

'Angel.'

She'd known it was him the second he looked at her. And knew the same had just happened to him.

Her heart skipped a beat and she wished she could tame the emotions running through her. She was hurt, all the old memories were flooding back to her, the good and more so the bad. She was beyond shocked. Scared and lost and confused. She'd felt a million things all at once.

'And he looked good too. Really, really good,' and she hated him for that.

She'd often.. and more so than she'd ever admit.. wondered about him. What he looked like now, what did he do, how had his life turned out. She wondered is he married? Married to Darla now? Did he have any kids?

She wondered if he ever missed her? Ever thought of her?

Was he happy? Was he miserable? Was he even alive?

He was just as gorgeous as she remembered, even more so, which she'd always had thought would be impossible.

But he seemed taller, bigger. He still took up all the space in the room.

He didn't seem happy she noticed, but figured that could have been from seeing her. She doubted he'd expected it either.

"Buffy! Buffy please! Please! Let me in!" she heard again and felt her heart breaking.

She couldn't quite describe what she thought his voice sounded like. His tone was throwing her. But she'd spent too much time and energy to deal with this, to deal with him. All over again.

Buffy wiped her eyes and took a deep breath and looked over at Faith's boyfriend, Penn. His eyes were still clearly concerned as she managed to let out the basics of what was happening.

OoOoO

"Angel!" Fred shouted.

He kept hitting the door, shouting, pleading. He kept hoping.

"Whoa! He's.. your Angel? Angel, Angel?!" Faith asked disbelieving.

'No wonder Buffy looked like she'd seen a ghost.'

"Hey!' she started getting angry after all she'd heard about this man.

Angel turned, seeing fury in the dark haired girl he didn't know. She looked ready to punch him out.

"Buffy.." he said to the group around him.

"We know," Gunn said. "Damn blondie sure can run huh?"

"Can you blame her?" Connor said, disgust hanging in his words.

Angel heard and shot him a look, but Connor just shot one back.

"Buffy!? Please! Just listen to me? Hear me out? Please?!" he pleaded some more. He hit the door harder, ready to break it down if he had to.

"Why is she even here?" Cordy asked.

"She moved in.. you!" Dawn pointed at Gunn and then at Fred. "You knew!" she accused, but actually sounded happy, which she was.

Angel looked at the voice. "Dawn," he said and she looked at him and nodded. "I gotta talk to her. Please."

Dawn smiled and shooed him out of the way, as much as he resisted, then she knocked on the door. "Penn?"

"Yeah?"

"It's me, can you let us in?"

"Umm.."

OoOoO

Penn looked at Buffy.

She was crying again and she didn't know what to do. What to say, think, anything.

She shook her head. They could wait until he left, hoping he would anyhow, but it sure didn't sound like he was going to be giving it up anytime soon. That made less sense.

He looked at her understanding. "Uh Dawnie? Maybe you guys should come back later.. or you know get rid of.." he didn't finish.

And next the loud banging was back. And his pleas.

"I gotta get out of here.. away.. I have to.."

Penn wrapped a comforting arm around Buffy's shoulder. "Shh, it's gonna be okay."

OoOoO

Angel had moved Dawn back out of the way so he could try to get her to listen.

He didn't exactly want to have to break the door down. Or to tell her what he'd longed to for long through the door.

But.. if it came down to it, he knew he would.

"Look, do you guys think you could.." Faith started but they all gave her some dirty looks. "What?!"

"Oh no, he's not leaving," Doyle said with a half grin.

"Don't you think you've done enough?' Connor asked. "You know what she's been through 'cause of you?"

"Connor.." Dawn started softly, but he waved her away.

"Listen, you don't know anything about it," Angel gritted out, not wanting to have to deal with this.

"The Hell I don't! I've know Buffy for the past two years. I know how much she's been hurt, by you, and now here you are again.. trying to make her relive it? And you two!?" he said to Gunn and Fred, but then he just snorted his annoyance.

"Hey, we've had to deal with him kid," Gunn said.

Everyone started in. This and that being said. And tension growing in the air.

"Buffy? Angel didn't sleep with Darla!" Cordy finally tired of it all yelled out.

Everything went silent and everyones eyes from the hall all came upon her.

She just shrugged. "What?"

OoOoO

Buffy stopped. Stopped thinking, stopped breathing, crying. Her eyes narrowed and she looked at the door. Her fury growing.

Buffy stood up and stalked over to it then flung the door open.

"Buffy!" Dawn said and then was dragged in by her sister along with Connor and Faith.

She looked at Angel trying to relie on her anger and hurt, not the tears wanting to form.

"Buffy.." he croaked.

"No! Whatever you have to say.. I don't want to hear it. Whatever was with us.. it is over! It was a long time ago and it doesn't matter anymore. Now please just leave!"

And with that, she started to slam the door.


	8. Chapter 8

**As I've Said Before With Bits Of This Chapter.. I'm Bad At Sappyness So.. It Could Be Better, I Know. Sorry.**

The door was slamming but Angel managed to catch it before it shut and he pushed his way in.

Angel started after her and his friends were all coming in after him as well.

He grabbed at Buffy's arm. And the fact he hadn't touched her in three years was not passing him by. And he turned her around, seeing the fireceness she'd managed to build up retreating.

"Let me go," she whispered.

"I can't," he whispered back to her.

Buffy shrugged out of grasp and took a few steps back.

The two looked at each other for a long moment while everyone else in the room was looking at them.

A small trail of tears started down her face and it took all that Angel had in him not to wipe them away and cradle in his arms for fear that right now that would only push her farther away.

Angel still couldn't grasp all that had just happened. Neither could she. And they were both emotion filled and confused.

"Can we talk.. please?" he finally said, barely above a whisper.

"There's nothing to say."

"Yes, there is Buffy.. please just listen to me.. then you can decide where to go from there.. Please?" he begged.

Buffy shook her head no, then Faith came up beside her and put her hand on her friend's arm.

"Just hear him out B, then he'll leave us alone," she said softly, still afraid for her friend, but she knew that this man wasn't budging.

Buffy took a moment, closed her eyes and finally gave a small nod. She looked around the room seeing everyone looking and watching them and swallowed loudly.

"We can go somewhere else," he said quickly then added "Or we can stay here. Whatever you want is fine with me."

Once more Buffy took a moment to try and think clearly, unsure why she was bothering, unsure how she was going to recover from all of this.

Fred chipped in and said they could go back to her and Gunn's place seeing as everyone had filled into hers. Buffy nodded and started out the door, Angel following behind her slowly.

OoOoO

After the two of them left, everyone sat and stood in silence at first. All of them trying to deal with what was going on, the emotions running through them because of these insane events taking place before their eyes.

Finally Connor spun around on Gunn, sneer in place. "This is all your fault!"

"You're welcome," cam Gunn's reply, his voice obviously trying to not get too hard.

"What's the point in this?!"

"Who cares!" Dawn joined in. "Did you all see the way they were looking at each other?"

"It's nice to see you have such deep concern for your sister," Connor said and walked away leaving her to glare at the back of his head.

"I happen to think it's great.. so.. he made a mistake.. doesn't mean she doesn't still love him!"

"Was nobody listening to me?" Cordy huffed. "Angel didn ot cheat on anybody."

Connor, Faith, Penn and even Dawn all turned to look at the tall brunette with daggers in their eyes.

"Excuse us but.."

"No buts," she simply stated. "He didn't cheat on Barbie, Bunny, whatever there. She just thinks he did." Cordelia crossed her arms over her chest with a wicked grin on her face.

"Whatever. We've heard the story," Penn said and turned away.

"Who's side?" she smirked.

OoOoO

Buffy really didn't want to be doing this, any of this. She didn't want to be here, not with him, and not now. And yet, here she was. Standing in what could have been some potential friends' apartment, had that not pulled this one over her head anyway.

Angel had tried to get the door for her, but her icy glare had her letting him know she was perfectly capable of opening doors all by her own self these days. He let go of it real fast. So instead. she opened the door and came in.

The two of them stood in silence, glancing around. Angel took her in while she tried to ignore it and look at anything other than him.

Finally Buffy walked over to the couch and plopped down.

After a few more long nervous moments, Buffy did her best to keep the tears that so badly wanting to come out back as she turned her head back to him.

"If there is something you have to say, could you just get on with it please? I do have other, better thing to be doing you know," Buffy turned away and muttered, "like packing."

"You're leaving?" he asked as the thought stabbed through his heart. He shoulcn't have been so suprised, he knew that, yet he was in a way.

"Well, I didn't just spent the last three years of my life trying to get as far as I could from you for nothing."

Angel winced, not that she saw it. "Where did you go?" he finally asked quietly.

"I went away, Angel," she said with a sigh.

Angel nodded, unknown to her as well and ran his hand through his hair.

OoOoO

With countless interruptions, Cordelia told the side of the story she'd learned for Angel and those who knew him. Dawn and Faith, mostly, kept stopping her at various points, but she didn't let it sidetrack her or slow her down. When she got to the aftermath of after Buffy had ran off to God knew where, Doyle, Fred and Gunn also added their two cents of what they knew.

Cordelia threw out her best smug smile while Angel's other friends and co workers watched their reactions.

Connor, of course, didn't believe a word of it, nor did he care wether it was true or not.

Buffy and him were close and he always felt the need to protect her because of it. And he just didn't like the sob in anyway shape or form.

Faith and Penn seemed to let it sink in and had confused and sort of sad looks on their faces.

"Poor B," she muttered.

The two of them had met at High School in London.

It was also Faith's first year there. Her dad had been transfered from Boston to London. She didn't mind though. Her boyfriend she had been seeing had just started to get real possesive and abusive. She tried to break it off with him, but he pretty much stalked her.

She never told her parents about it. And when the news came figured she wouldn't have to.

Faith wasn't sure what it was that drew her and Buffy together, but they had instantly became friends.

She was the first person that Faith had opened up to about her ex. And it turned out that they both came from some pretty horrible relationships.

At first Faith had thought maybe it was a tad dramatic. Lots of guys cheat. But it didn't take long to see it wasn't.

This girl was so desperatly in love with the jerk and it seemed like he had completly shattered her. It was like he had been her other half, her whole reason for being or something.

And then it seemed like maybe she didn't do enough.

Dawn had the same kind of look as Faith and Penn at first, but then a huge smile spread across her face.

'Always a hopeless romantic,' she'd been acussed of such so many times in her life.

And this had been better than she could have ever imagined.

OoOoO

"Buffy.. look.." he sighed.. "About.. um.. that night.."

She turned back to him and glared.

"What? It was a mistake? I wasn't supposed to find out like that? It was a one time deal? You're sorry? None of it i want to hear, Angel," she turned back away and crossed her arms over her chest, looking blankly as she could forward, wishing that she could just sink into the ground.

Angel sighed.

How many times had he thought about this? Thought about being able to have the chance to at least explain what had happened? And what he would say?

This was far from he pictured it. Any of those times.

He couldn't get his brain to work properly, get the right words out. The right words. The carefully placed words. So, he decided to just go with whatever came out.

Angel reached down into the collar of his shirt and pulled the chain out from under it. He unclasped the back and held it in his hand, running the ring he had bought her all those years before down off of it and into his palm. He stuffed the chain into a side pocket of his pants then nervously walked towards her.

"This," he started as he sat the ring down on the small coffee table Gunn had made for Fred when they first got this place together in front of her, "was what I had hoped would happen that night."

Buffy just stared down at the small ring.

Angel walked back around the coffee table to the chaired turned to the side beside the couch. The one farthest from her. He sat down with a sigh and he ran his hand nervously through his hair once more before continuing.

"I had the whole thing planned out.. about a month and a half before I started actually getting ready for it. I wanted everything to be perfect. And as the day got closer and closer, everything started falling to place. Then.. um.. the day of.. I spent the whole day out at the creek getting it ready. I thought we could have a homemade dinner at my dorm, exchange gifts and everything, then we'd drive out there and I'd suprise you. Once I got everything ready and had talked a few of my friends into keeping an eye on the place to make sure nothing got damaged or anything, I called up Xander. He was going to be coming over to help me get the dorm ready, then I headed back and decided to take shower and get ready. Then that's when.. um.. she.. Darla showed up.. and.."

"..So you decided you'd much rather sleep with her than be with me?" she asked, her eyes welled with tears, and never having been taken off of the ring in front of her.

"No!" he sighed and rubbed a hand down his face then he leaned back into the chair and closed his eyes. "I didn't know Darla was there, that she was going to show up. I didn't even know she was in town. I was just in the shower, not really paying any attention, when suddenly I heard her. She'd apparently climbed in with me and started wrapping herself around me.."

"I don't exactly want to hear this you know."

Angel opened his eyes and looked at her. "I told her to get out of there, Buffy. I told her that I had someone new in my life and I didn't want her. I didn't know, ask or care why she was there. I just wanted to her gone. I pried her off of me and shut the water off and climbed out. She kept advancing on me Buffy but I swear that nothing happened. I never would have done that to you.. I couldn't have.. I wrapped her up with a towel then grabbed at her clothes and told her she needed to leave. She dropped them and came at me again, that's when I went to the bathroom door and started trying to leave the room. She came around me and stood in the way," he sighed once more, "I'll assume you know what happened next, but it wasn't what you must have thought it looked like.. all I did was try and get her to leave so I could get rid of her and get ready for my night with you."

OoOoO

Minutes that seemed like an eternity passed since he finished.

She never moved, never took her eyes off the ring, she never made a sound, she didn't speak, she didn't.. anything.

Angel laid his head in his hands and closed his eyes.

This was another thing he hadn't planned on. He always thought that as long as he got the chance he would feel better. That some weight would be lifted from his shoulders. But honestly, he still felt rather the same.

Angel sighed and decided it might be best if he left.

He didn't want to, not wanting to ever leave her side again, and was afraid she'd be gone by sunrise. But there wasn't anything he could do.

He said what he needed and like he told her, he would leave her alone to do what she wanted with the information.

Plus he was afraid she wouldn't believe him and he'd end up on the other side of her bad mood. And right now, after all of this, he knew he couldn't take it.

Angel slowly stood up and looked her over once more, hoping it wasn't the last time he'd see her again, but in case if was he took everything in.

He wanted nothing more then to pour his heart out to her right then, to beg her back into his arms and into his life. But he couldn't.

He turned to walk over to the door and opened it, pausing before exiting. He swallowed and barely above a whisper told her the most important thing he felt he needed to.

"I loved you Buffy. I never stopped."

And with that, he stepped out of the doorway and closed it behind him.

When the door clicked shut, Buffy allowed herself to let the tears and sobs out. She curled up on the couch and let the pain take her over.

OoOoO

"They've been gone a long time.."

"I'm sure they have a lot to talk about, I mean.." Fred didn't get a chance to finish that because of the knock on the door.

"I'll get it," Penn got up from the couch and opened it, finding Angel on the other side. "Um.. hey?"

"I'm going home," he said, looking at those who had came with him.

"But Angel what about.."

hAngel turned and started walking down the hall.

There was an exchange of looks before Doyle said he needed to go and Cordy came running after him as well.


	9. Chapter 9

**I Still Do Think It's Funny That When I First Came Up With The Story Idea At All And Then Wrote The Very First Version Of It, That Buffy Was Supposed To Be Dead In It And It Came Out To Be This Instead Later.**

**But Back Then, It Was To Be A Rather Shorter Story, And Angel Would Just Go Back Between The 'Past' And 'Present' As The Story Was Told.**

**Angel Was Never Supposed To Leave Caritas Either. **

**The Story Was Supposed To Be Completed There, The Ending Being Kind Of The Last Chapter Where Angel Revealed The 'Darla Incident' And How Nothing Happened, Buffy Thought It Did Though And Ran Away From Him And Yadda.**

**In That Version Though, She Wasn't Meant To Dissappear, Instead Buffy Ended Up Killing Herself And That Was Kinda The End. Angel Revealing That And Then Taking Another Drink Before Getting Sent Home.**

**Think It Woulda Been Better? :D**

Buffy waited a few minutes before gathering herself back up.

She sat up, wiped the tears away, and tried controlling her breathing. Then with shaky knees, she stood up and reached for the ring he'd left.

For a moment, she just held it and looked at it. Then she twirled it some in her hands, watching how the light hit it from different angles, thinking about what he had said.. and the tears started clouding her vision once more.

Buffy closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

After a few moments she reopened them and got up, turned and walked to the door. Opening it, she headed back to her own apartment.

OoOoO

"Buffy!" Dawn shouted as she entered the room.

She closed a tight fist around the ring she held in her palm and did her best to flash her sister a smile.

"Hey.." she said wearily and roamed her eyes over those still there.

"Um.. Buffy? Did Angel.." Fred asked, taking a few steps towards her.

"Yeah.." she replied. "He told me.. I um.. I just think I'm going to go.. lie down for awhile.." then she let out a small, tad bit hysterical laugh. "Sorry I ruined the dinner."

Fred flashed her a smile. "There's always tomorrow," she turned to face her boyfriend. "I think we're gonna get out of here. If you need anything let us know"

"Yeah.." she started walking towards her room as they left.

OoOoO

"Well, this was sure one Hell of a day," Penn said then walked over to the fridge to grab a beer.

"Can say that again," Connor muttered, still not happy, making Dawn glare his way. He shrugged.

Faith looked towards Buffy's door. "I'm going to go check on her alright?" she didn't wait for an answer.

OoOoO

"B!? It's me, open up," Faith called as she knocked on Buffy's door.

She heard some movement behind it then it opened, revealing the most heartbreaking sight she'd ever seen. Faith wrapped her arms around her friend.

"It's going to be okay."

"Yeah.."

They pulled apart and went to sit down on the bed. Buffy was still playing with the ring.

Faith didn't ask but guessed she probably knew where that came from.

"What am I going to do?"

OoOoO

Angel laid in bed staring at the ceiling, replaying the events from earlier, ones he still couldn't believe had happened.

For three years he did all that he could to find her and then without any warning she was there.

He'd played this in his head so many times and none came close to what actually took place.

Always there was this big speech planned out. It was heartfelt and wordy. But he couldn't get it out for the life of him earlier. He couldn't even remember anything he'd once wanted to say.

But he got the truth out and that was really all that should matter.

He always thought if maybe he had that one last chance.. to see her, to tell her the truth, then maybe he could move on, that it would be easier then.

Now he knew the truth. Everything was worse.

Somehow he'd made himself walk away, knowing she was probably going to pick up and leave the second after. And that killed him. But he knew he had to..

He knew she was probably packing up her things right now, getting ready to run off to wherever the Hell she had gone to and been. It was the raw aching in his chest.

He didn't think he'd survive it.

For all those years he just wanted to tell her what happpened then get on with life. But at the first sight of her, that quick moment as the tears fell, ones that were his fault wether he did anything or not, that she thought he had, before she ran, he knew different.

He wanted her.

He wanted her back to fill the place she left so long ago. The emptiness that overwhelmed him more with every day. He'd wanted to take her in his arms, take away all the pain, the hurt, the confusion, the past. He wanted to tell her what had happened then bring them back. To get past it with her. He wanted to take the past away and start anew.

Angel wanted to wipe the tears away and promise all of what could have been and make sure everything would go back to the way it was supposed to be.

He wanted to love her, be with her, make everything alright, make her forget the pain of the past. He wanted to make it all okay again.

He wanted..

Angel sighed and turned over some on the bed. He was driving himself insane with all the thoughts of her, knowing none of them mattered.

Angel looked at the clock then sighed once more. He reached over to his phone, quickly dialed the number to the agency, leaving a message to simply let them know he wasn't coming in today then he hung up, put the phone down and drew the covers over his head.

He didn't bother trying to sleep. He just laid there, staring at the darkness.

OoOoO

Cordelia was on the phone, once again, trying to get ahold of the non answering Angel.

Ever since she'd come in this morning to find his message about not coming in to work she'd been calling him every hour. Sometimes more than once.

She was worried about him afterall.

Last night, while he drove them back to the office and dropped them off he seemed so.. she didn't even have a word for it. She couldn't believe the whole thing even happened.

Buffy!

The woman who'd plagued this man for the past few years was just suddenly there.

She knew it had to be hard.

And damnit, she wanted all the damn juicy details!

"Still no answer, eh princess?"

She spun around seeing Doyle looking over some papers and grabbing some coffe.

"No," she grumbled then hung the phone back up after leaving a short message. "You think he's like.. you know.. gonna be okay right?"

"Sure," he waved at her. "He just needs time to himself."

"Right.. because he was so over it before and.. Buffy!" she said when her eyes went to the door seeing the blonde walking in. She was looking a bit nervous. And tired.

Doyle turned around and watched her approach.

"What can we do ya for?"

"Hi,. um.. is Angel here?" she asked, not sure why she was here, why she asked for any help from Fred and Gunn as to how to find Angel, why she wanted to, or anything.

"Nope. He called in today," Cordelia chipped in.

"Oh," she paused for a moment and looked around, taking Angel's new life in, what she could see of it anyway. "Okay, um.. well thanksm" she turned to walk out.

Behind her Cordy and Doyle were shoving at each other to call her back when finally Cordelia spoke up. "Anything we can help you with?" she asked and Buffy turned.

"No.. I.. I just wanted to.. talk with him I guess," she shrugged.

"We could.."

"No, that's alright, I'm just gonna.. go," she said and walked the rest of the way to the door.

"If it's imporant we could give you his adress we're sure he wouldn't mind."

Buffy thought about it for a second, weighing everything out, but they insisted so she walked back and got it with directions.

She thanked them and left, cursing herself for all her emotions flying around.

OoOoO

"Angel, this is Cordelia. Cordelia Chase, you know, your co worked and friend! Well anyway, I just thought you might like to know that your Buffy stopped by to see y.."

"What!?" Angel spoke into the phone.

"Well, it's nice to see you're there, and not picking up or returning any of.."

"Cordelia! Buffy's there?!"

"No. She was here. She left."

"What did she want?"

"To talk to you."

"Shit!" he said loudly and ran his hand through his hair.

'Shit! Shit! Shit!'

"She's on her way over there," she finally told him.

"What?!"

"We gave her directions to your house.."

"Shit!" he said and hung up the phone then started getting dressed and trying to clean up his place.


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay, If You Were Reading This Story Before, This Is Kinda Where I Ended Off At Last. I Changed It Up 'Cause Bits And Pieces I Really Just Did Not Like.**

Buffy had little trouble finding her way to where Angel now lived. But that wasn't the problem. Confronting him one way or another was.

She knew she needed to though. So, after about ten minutes of sitting outside in her car worrying, she got out and headed for his front door.

It didn't take long after she knocked for the door to click and then be once again face to face with Angel. And suddenly this seemed like a much worse idea then it had before, she felt dizzy and emotionally lost, her throat was closing in and tears were wanting to well up.

The two of them stood there in silence, looking each other over, feeling every emotion pass through them.

Finally angel broken the silence. "Do you want to come inside?" he asked softly.

She only nodded and he led her inside.

"Sorry to.. just.. show up like this.. Fred and Gunn told me how to get to your work.. but when I got there.."

"It's okay," he quickly jumped in. "I'm glad you came. Want to sit?"

She shook her head. "Thanks, but I um.. I won't be long.. I um.." she reached into her pocket pulling out the ring that Angel had left behind last night, the one he'd said he'd bought for her. "I just thought you might want this back," she told him as she held it out for him.

"Buffy.."

The sadness in his tone was enough to break her. Buffy hurried to lay down the ring on one of his end tables then started back for the door.

"I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have come," she told him as the tears fell freely down her face.

She reached for the door but before she knew it, she was spun around and her back was pressed into it. And before she could even breathe, Angel's mouth came down on hers.

OoOoO

Angel couldn't have stopped himself even if he had wanted to. Not after everything that happened.. their break up, the three years without her, then seeing her again for the first time again last night.. all that came with it, leading to the sleepless night.. all the thoughts and feelings he had running through him. Then she was there again.. he had no control anymore.

Angel just reached for her and turned her over, not planning to do anything but get her to stay and talk to him, but.. plans changed fast and before he knew it, he was kissing her and pushing his body against hers, feeling her heart racing with his, her emotions, her tears colliding with his own.

OoOoO

Buffy moaned out Angel's name as his lips trailed down her neck. One arm was holding her while the other cupped her breast. And she hated how good it felt, how right it felt, but she couldn't help it or even think about stopping him.

Angel lifted his head and kissed her hard on the mouth before lifting his head up, meeting her stormy gaze.

"I don't want you to go," he told her and before she could say anything, he claimed her lips once more, making her dizzier and dizzier. "You have no idea how much I missed you," he whispered harshly.

"Angel.."

"I need you."

"Angel.."

"Let me fix this. I have to."

Buffy felt more tears coming. "I fucked everything up," she whispered.

"What?" He asked confused, holding her closer to him as he wiped her newest line of trails away but then the shaking started.

"I fucked it up.. us.. you.. it.. it was perfect.. and.. and I ju.. just.."

"Buffy baby.."

"I ju.. sa.. saw you with h..her and I thought.. and.. it hurt.. hurt so bad and.." she couldn't even finish. Breathing even hurt from her violent sobs at this point.

Angel gathered her more so into his arms and rocked her gently, soothing her hair out and kissing her head. He sunk down to the ground with her wrapped around him and just held her as she continued, wishing he could just take back time, take back the hurt she'd been through, all of it.

OoOoO

Buffy didn't remember falling asleep but knew she must have as her eyes popped open, finding herself still lying on top of Angel, on his floor. She wiped her eyes quickly then heard a noise again, the one that had woken her up.

"Angel," she whispered, looking up at his face finally, "I think someone's at your door."

Angel wanted to kill whoever it was too. He'd been perfectly happy just being down on his hard floor with Buffy. She'd eventaully cried herself to sleep and he just remained there, thinking, letting his emotions run rapid, and so forth.

Now someone wanted to interrupt it.

Buffy gave him a shy, embarrassed look before she started to climb off of him. He wanted nothing more than to drag her back down to him.. but he thought he might have already crossed too many lines as it were, so he reluctantly let her go.

"Angelcakes! Are you in there?"

Angel groaned as he started to get up, Buffy shooting his a bit of a curious smile but she quickly dropped it, as well as his gaze and looked around nervously.

Angel wanted to kill the disturbance even more.

Angel flung the door open and stared at Lorne, afraid his eyes were going to be blinded by the man's very yellow getup he was wearing today.

"Lorne? What the Hell do you want?"

"Well, I was worried about you. You didn't show up last night and I was told you weren't at work today.. I started to worry.." Lorne started looking past Angel, "Gonna invite me in or what?"

Angel looked over at Buffy who was still avoiding him again apparently and he sighed. "Now might not be the best time."

"It's okay" Buffy spoke up, very softly, :I can.. go.."

"No!"

"Well now, who is this.." Lorne poked his head in, looking past Angel even more and almost dropped dead at the sight. His eyes all but bulged out of his head as he stared.

As it continued on, Buffy grew more and more uncomfortable.

Lorne snapped out of it, mainly due to Angel hitting him, then he stepped up and started pushing the man out of his way to get closer to the blonde Buffy.

"You!" he exclaimed, his hands going to her arms, trying to prove she was really there. His head turned to Angel, "Her? She's.."

"Yes," he muttered.

Lorne's eyes went wide again as they returned to hers. "Where the Hell have you been? Do you know how much this man.."


	11. Chapter 11

Buffy's eyes went wide, going back from the eager black haired man back to Angel.

Angel shook his head then closed the door. "Lorne, I think you've heard of Buffy. Buffy, this is my.. friend.. Lorne."

"Hi," she said shyly.

"Hello!" he looked back at Angel. "Am I missing something here? The other day, like every day, you were sitting in my bar drinking your heartache over this girl.. correct?"

Angel gave an embarrassed smile. "Yes. I uh.. Fred and Gunn.. found her.."

"Good for them!" he turned back to Buffy. "No wonder this boy's been crying over you for the past few years. He isn't holding you prisoner here or something is he?" he asked as his eyes narrowed.

Buffy's widened then she laughed. "No. And maybe I'm missing something about you Angel."

He smirked and came back over to her.

"Hmm. You two work things out?" Lorne asked after a moment of watching them, almost as if nothing had happened.

Buffy looked down, unsure. Angel wasn't much better. He hoped they could.. but he knew that was hoping for a lot.

"Well you'd better. I think me and Miss.. Summers, is it?"

Buffy nodded, looking back up.

"Miss Summers and I should have a chat huh? You don't mind do you Angel?"

"Um actually.."

"Good," he came over and put his arm around the blondes small shoulders, "I'll take her down to the bar. Don't worry, I'll bring her back."

OoOoO

"You're in alot of pain, aren't you kiddo?" he asked as they drove.

Buffy nodded. "You have no idea."

Lorne smiled at her. "I'll take it he told you.."

"Well yes. Cordelia kind of said it first.. but yeah. He told me yesterday."

"Cordy told you first?"

Buffy laughed and told him the whole story of the night before.

Lorne laughed with her. "That's our girl. Well, here we are. Welcome to Caritas."

Buffy got out, looked the building over, then followed the basci stranger inside.

OoOoO

Buffy didn't know why, but talking to Lorne sort of came easy for her. She told him about the past few years, where she'd gone, what she'd done, how she felt. And he told her the equally heartbreaking tale of what Angel had been up to.

It made her feel even worse then before.

Lorne's hand reached across the table to grab hers. "You still love him, don't you?"

She nodded, trying to not cry again.

He smiled. "Then you guys gotta work this out. You're being given another chance and I think you both deserve it."

She scoffed.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, he shouldn't be either. The past is the past, you can't change, I can't change it, but you just have to move forward."

She still didn't seem so convienced and still being attacked by her own mind.

Lorne smiled again. "Get up," he told her.

"Wha.."

He stood and walked across the room, turning on some of the lights and equipment.

"What you need is a song!" he shouted gleefully. And only then did Buffy realize this was a karoke bar.

'Angel visits a karaoke bar?!'

"That's right," Lorne shouted, as if reading her mind. "And now you do too. So come on up and let's sing those blues away."

"I.. um.." she shook her head.

He raised an eyebrow then finished getting everything set up before coming back towards her.

"Honey, it's just you, me and Ramone. And I can ask him to leave. But I think you need this. And a lot of whiskey."


	12. Chapter 12

**I Figured It Was About Time To Update This One Heh. Sorries. Still Slowly Getting Back Into It All.**

To say the time Buffy spent with Lorne could be generally compared in ways to her time with Angel wasn't that much of a stretch.

They were introduced, then there was all the nervousness and awkwardness.

This was then followed by some talking and slowly starting to loosen up to the stranger.

Some of this due to the alcohol, sure, but more of it was the overall need of that at the moment, after everything she'd been going through. There was that panic bubbling below the surface around Angel and she was glad to have been driven away, at least for a small amount of time. How much was still up in the air to be determined. She had thought it was planned out, still was leaning toward her original plans as well, but she did now have some weariness. Also, there was that needing to talk to someone and Lorne didn't seem like a bad person as she got to know him. A little off maybe, but she was usually drawn to people like that.

Next came the fun part.

There was talk about Angel and her and this whole mess on the way to the small bar then for a little while as they got there.. but then it just turned into.. something else. Something not so complicated for awhile. There was fun and laughter, a good time, singing and drinking and making jokes and not really going on and on about the problems at hand.

Then came the downfall where the fun times slowly faded into something more serious. There was no more joking, no dancing or singing, no loud music and loud voices to the point of almost screaming.. none of that. Out of nowhere, but not suprising in the least, it all became more calm, more darkened, more serious. The real situation came back into light and she took another turn at falling to pieces. And she didn't care once about it. It was happening, here, there, wherever, in front of whoever, so why fret. And tearfully she let the words just burst out of her. True, she might have wanted to do this, have this talk and breakdown and everything with someone she knew.. much better than he.. but too late for that. So it just happened. She went on and on about how good things have been, the infamous night it all went to Hell, how her life had been since, her emotions through it all, coming briefly to why she had a few reasons of hers on moving back to California, about the night before, about seeing Angel again, her night after he'd gone and leading up to the ups and downs of this day and where in the Hell it was she was supposed to go next.

And Lorne didn't once try and back away or shoo her off, not wanting to deal with her. There was no awkwardness coming from him either. He was sympathetic and quiet, listening to her and remaining peaceful and calm. When she couldn't talk anymore, he gently tried to calm her down as well, sighing before asking a few more question, then jumping into a long talk about the Angel he knew her love had become these past few years.

And it wasn't suprising to find that that did her in more than anything else.

A long time was passed with Lorne telling her then it was followed by a long stretch of silence and finally asking her another set of questions before asking her if she was ready to go back to Angel's, as he promised.

And so there was the side by side ending, the current state of it all.

She was more confused, more lost now than she'd ever been. She felt more guilt than she'd ever endured in her life. She felt hopeless and alone.

Lorne brought her back, as he told Angel he would. She was such a mess that he had to help her out of the car and up to the house then inside and seating her down on Angel's couch. The whole time she could feel Angel's eyes on her, the concern heating its way through her. Which, of course, did not help her in the slightest. Lorne leaned down and whispered in her ear before practically dragging Angel away, off to speak with him for a moment in private before bidding them both a farewell.

Angel stared her over for a moment before getting the courage to come over to her, taking a seat close to her. And they both tried to think of a way to break the nervous tension that was obvious between them.

OoOoO

"You could have just moved on," Buffy said, breaking the tension, only seconds before he was about to, unable to stand it anymore. But she beat him to the punch, her voice almost a whisper, hoarse from the tears and the heartbreak clenching at her throat.

Angel shook his head slowly then reached his hand, a little hesitantly, towards hers. "I only wanted you. I only loved you. There was no one else out there for me Buffy."

Her free hand came to wipe away her tears hastily as they came uncontrollably again out of nowhere and she felt his arms wrapping around her as she croaked out her name through the cries, burying himself into her blonde locks as he pulled her closer. She gave no fight though she cried harder and shook her head in violent disagreement as he whispered and tried to convience her it would be okay.

He opened his mouth to argue or plea or anything at all with her before snapping it back shut. Instead, he bent his head a little bit lower, making his way to her neck through her hair and kissing her lightly before drawing back. One hand went to face, tilting it towards him.

Tears ran silently down her face still but they didn't manage to distract him from what he wanted to see. Her eyes were red and swollen but more importantly they were emotion filled. Just as much as his were, staring back at her. Everything these two felt were right there, laid out with nowhere to hide.

"Angel.. I.. I'm.."

She started but that was as far as she got. Angel's hands wrapped tighten around her, swinging her up and onto his lap. He pulled her down to him, his lips crushing back into hers. He only worried for a split second, the short lived moment before he felt as whatever she was dealing with began to at least temporarily go out the window, he felt that change in her, and felt himself be pulled in suprise as she hungrily responded to him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hmm. I Think The Next Chapter (Or Maybe Two) Will be The Last. **

**I Kind of Had A Different Plan (Heh. Many Throughout The Whole Thing.) But I'm Okay With Going With This I Guess.**

Buffy's head screamed that she needed to get away from here, her heart felt nothing but sadness and guilt for everything and it was even louder than her head, but right now her body and its need was running the show. And it sure as Hell did not help that Angel had flipped her back down to the couch, his body pinning her down, her legs being wrapped around him with his groin pressing against hers, all while his mouth never left hers and his hands roamed her body, driving her higher.

There was a part of her still needing to run, but not because she had been betrayed by him, because let's face it, by now she knew that hadn't happen. She believed it hadn't with every fiber of her being. She just wished she'd felt that same way all those years ago. But she still felt it, only with new reasons now.

Buffy knew she still loved him. She always had and always would. Even with all the pain she had once felt, it had remained. No matter how much she tried to deny it or hide it away, it was still always there beneath the surface. And she felt so saddness by him, consumed with guilt by everything she knew now. She wanted him but she also felt there was nothing in her good enough for him. She had already put them both, more importantly him, through Hell. And this man deserved so much better.

And all of her thoughts finally caught up to her and after a few tries she broke the kiss off. She pressed her nose against him and closed her eyes for a moment, taking in some deep breaths as she went.

"Angel.." she finally started, her eyes locking with his.

"Buffy, I love you."

"Angel.." she tried again, a little hitch in her voice.

"No. I love you. I have since the moment I first saw you and I will until the day that I die. And I know damned well that you feel exactly the same Buff. You can feel angry, upset, sad, cheated out of these past years and what have you. I know I do. But what I feel right now, what I know could be, that's more important to me. I have to fix this. I have to. I need you more than you may ever realize Buffy. I want to be with you. I need to be with you. And if you walk out that door and away from me again I honestly don't think I'm going to survive it."

His eyes were still lust filled but there was also a seriousness inside that ran deep as he peered down at her and his hands came up to cup her face and wipe away her new tears but she quickly changed those plans as she quickly reached up and circled his neck, bringing his mouth crashing back down to his.

She had a million things she wanted to say and more floating in her head. She had reasons to argue with him on. But she couldn't do it. All she managed to get out was a panted 'I love you' before he lifted them up and carried her through the place and into his bedroom.

OoOoO

Buffy had always been shy and today wasn't any different. He kind of loved that about her too.

She had no reason to be ashamed of herself or her body or anything at all. But she always seemed to be. She'd always been very cautious about what she said or did as well, always holding everything back until she just couldn't anymore. And it made him smile. It was like a little accomplishment afterall.

She slowly became more comfortable with him, with being naked again in front of him as he worshipped every inch of her body. Something he didn't take lightly. And starting with little sqeaks and jumps, she eventually was jerking her hips and moaning his name, begging for more. Which he was more than happy to supply her with.

And when he pulled away from her to undress, her eyes followed him, a bit of nervousness sinking back in as she watched his every move and drank him in.

He slowly made his way back to her, kissing his way back up her body as he got his in position with hers.

"Angel..."

His head bent to kiss up her neck before he lifted it to look at her. "Tell me to stop and I will Buffy."

She smiled a little. "I think you've said that to me before."

"Uh huh. But I do mean it. If this is too much, too fast for you then..."

She shook her head. "No.. no. I.. I just.." she blushed, "I haven't you know done this is awhile.."

Angel smiled. The tone to her words made it all sound a little clearer.

"I love you Buffy Anne Summers."

She lifted her head to kiss him then smiled. "Good. Now show me."

And that he did. Many times.


	14. Chapter 14

**Meh. The Story Ends.**

**Sadness.**

After taking a few hours to nap, still during the wee hours of the morning with the sun still not out yet, Angel listened to her as she explained everything that had happened to her for the past couple of years that they had been apart.

All of it sent shooting pains through his heart.

It was almost enough to suck the life from him as she told him she'd left for London bascially right after running, finishing up High School there and living with the only person who he had never thought of and knew damn well he should have.

There was also the fact of being reminded he'd lost her for so long, too long. She'd done all of these things the past few years and he missed out on them. on her.

And he told her about his life, how it came to be the dreary thing that it was. It wasn't much of a story and he felt bad about telling her since she kept apologizing. He'd just pull her closer and swear tie and time again he was bound to do whatever he could to make things right.

OoOoO

The sun peeking in through the blinds had him waking up a second time, groaning as he reluctantly pulled away from Buffy and slipped out of bed. He looked back down longingly at the bed and more importantly the girl in it and sighed, tearing himself away again.

When he returned, he crawled on top of her and dropped a soft kiss on her far too irresistable mouth, slowly rising her from sleep.

"Angel," she breathed.

"Mmm?" he kissed her forehead and then slowly removed himself again knowing full well what would happen if he didn't. "I made you breakfast," he told her with a smile and went to grab the tray from the desk he'd left it on and brought it over.

Buffy smiled and thanked him and then he went to go start up a bath for her for when she finished.

OoOoO

She stood nervously still, her face lowered as it burned red as he slowly unwrapped the sheets from her once again, letting them drop to the floor, leaving her completely bare to his eyes in a heavily lit room. The very warm room as well as she noticed briefly he remembered to bring in a small electric heater so that the air wouldn't be cold when out of the bath.

"Beautiful," he murmer, one hand coming up to trace underneath her breasts, sending shivers through her.

He watched her nervous smile for a moment before rushing to grab her, she squealed as he lifted her, carrying her over to the tub and gently placing her in it, feeling his face being covered in a smile as her laughter filled his heart.

He chuckled himself and went to pull away but she reached out and grab him tighter, pulling him down for a playful and teasing kiss that left an ache in his groin.

"I love you," he breathed out huskily.

"I love you," she said with a huge smile and then gave him a quick peck before diving lower into the water.

Angel chuckled again and stood up straight again. "I'll be outside."

Buffy shook her head. "Stay?"

"You sure?"

She nodded.

"Alright," he sighed happily and knelt down beside the tub, his restless hand reaching to brush some bubbles away from her chin.

OoOoO

Add the fact that Cordelia had drug him to this house years ago to look at it to the list of things he needed to thank her for.

As Buffy stood in the seperate shower, the one with very very clear doors, as she rinsed off the remaining bubbles from her bath, he had to use every ounce of strength in him not to pull the door off of its hinges and go in there with her.

Thankfully, she was done in a hurry and stuck her head out soon after she entered. "Hi," she said bashfully, he could see her trying to hide herself behind the door and had to laugh out loud at her. "What?" she asked confused.

Angel stood up and tried not to show any shakiness show and opened up a towel in front of her to step into to. "Sweetheart, there's no use hiding behind those," he said raising his eyebrow and watched in pure amusement as she realized why.

Her face was burning all over again. "I really should have noticed that."

He laughed and bent down to capture her lips. "You were distracted."

"Mmm, that I was, wasn't I?" she wrapped her arms around him and let him pick her up with ease and carry her over to the large counter and sat her down.

She reached for a brush and started messing with her hair while he remained in between her legs, his arms wrapped around her.

"Can I ask you a question?" he asked softly.

"Sure.."

He gave her a nervous smile. "This is stupid... but that night... if things had gone more according to plan and I..."

"Yes," she cut in, "of course I would have said yes Angel."

He sucked in a breath quickly and debated the rest of this.

"What if I asked you right now?"

It was Buffy's turn to intake a sharp breath and she slowly turned to look at him. Slowly one of his hands left her waist and went to his, dipping into his pocket and pulling out the ring he refound earlier with all the mess and twirled it in his fingers.

"So, will you?"

After a few moments of silence and her looking lost he let out a nervous chuckle. "Sorry. I really shouldn't have... I'm sorry. I just... I'm afraid I'll lose you again and I just... sorry. You don't have to say yes Buffy or answer at all, it's fine really. That was just a very dumb thing to do okay? So please, please stop looking at me so terrified?"

Buffy forced herself to blink a few times then a huge smile started to form across her face. His head was lowered as he began reaching his hand back down to put the ring away but she grabbed him and took it from him before he could finish.

"Tell me you love me."

"More than anything."

"But everything I put you through.."

"I don't care about any of it. I just want you."

The fight inside of her came back and she tried to figure out which side to listen to. Findally she shut it all out and just looked at him.

Slowly she put the ring back in his hand and almost felt like crying herself at the expression he made. Quickly though she tried to fix what she knew it looked like.

"Ask me again."

"What?" he asked suprised.

"Ask me again."

Angel's eyebrows shot up for a moment and he finally smiled. "Okay.. hold on.," he clutched the ring tighter as he picked her back up, spinning her around toward the doorway and led her back to his bedroom, dropping her softly on the bed and quickly covering her with his own and crushing his lips to hers.

What are you doing?" she panted out, feeling the towel being stripped away and his mouth quickly covering the exposed flesh bit by bit.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" he teased and she blushed again. "You do realize that," his tongue circled around one of her hardened nipples, "I have seen you naked many times in my life," he did the same to the other. "I have touched," he started making his way down her stomach, "kissed," and he continued, "and licked, every last inch of you."

"Yes," she replied, her voice shaky and her body on fire as she watched him position his head and shoulders between her legs.

Buffy jumped and squealed at the first lick, which she was sure he meant for her to with the chuckling that followed.

"I think it's cute, I really do, but honestly you have nothing at all to be ashamed of Buffy. You're a beautiful girl with a very beautiful body," he told her, is face lowering back down with every word before he dove back into her.

For seevral minutes he took turns between darting his tongue in and out of her using different speeds and angles and circling her with a painful slowness that had her whimpering every time. He finally smiled and let one then two fingers replace as he ran up her slit, starting in on a relentless attack on her swollen bud.

OoOoO

Buffy was still seeing stars and panting heavily as she felt his naked body sliding against hers, slowly making his way back up much like he'd come down.

"Angel?" she panted out as he made his way up neck.

He lifted his head and smiled at her. And she was more distracted by how cute that smile looked that she wasn't paying any attention to the lower half of their bodies which were suddenly joined together and had her screaming out his name again.

"Oh God," she maoned and threw her head back to the pillows.

Angel chuckled and brought up one of hands, the ring coming out to rest atop of his index finger.

"Now," he said getting her attention, "Buffy Summers, I love you. I want and I need you. More than maybe you'll ever know."

She felt dizzy. "Angel, you can't just stay still like this," she cut in making him laugh.

"Fine. I'll skip the whole big speech then. Buffy Summers, I love you. Will you marry me?" he smiled. "See, simple."

"Yes," she moaned out.

"You sure about that?"

"Yes! Yes Angel, I want to marry you."

He laughed again as she tried to wiggle against him. He started slipping the ring on her finger. "See, now that's the answer I was aiming for this time."

"Angel!" she moaned in frustration but he promtly took care of that little issue as well.


End file.
